Kirkie: OpenAI Slams The Door On Elon’s New Toy

Kirkie here, with today's AI news in 90 seconds… or my fantasy football commissioner finally admits he rigged the draft. OpenAI cut off Cursor the second Elon's SpaceX bought it, citin' his history of breakin' contracts — fair, like refusin' to loan your car to a guy who's totaled four already, ya jackass. Cursor shrugged: 'you're five percent of our traffic,' so that's a door slammed that was already halfway open. Meanwhile LAION dropped ten million hours of open video, free for anybody, scraped off YouTube — so some model's gonna get real smart on unboxing videos and guys screamin' at Madden, while everybody else still wants rent money for a goddamn chatbot. Remember that mystery 'Ox Alpha' model everybody was losin' their minds over? Just Z.ai's GLM-5.3, now fully open-weight — while the big labs play three-card monte with fake code names like a bunch of clowns, this one's just sittin' there free, no cape, no mystery, just doin' the job. Then Anthropic built a robot researcher that out-thinks their own PhDs in six hours, for four bucks an hour versus the hundred fifty they pay actual humans — so some poor bastard out in San Francisco with three degrees just got outworked by somethin' that costs less than a large Dunkin' order. Jensen Huang announced — again — Nvidia's achieved AGI, which is the tech version of my buddy Paulie quittin' smokin' for the ninth time this year. We stopped clappin', Jensen. This is Kirkie, your AI news guy… typin' this from the RMV, where I've aged a full year in line and the number counter's still stuck on forty-seven.