Kirkie: OpenAI Hits Pause On Its Own Hacking Machine

Kirkie here, with today's AI news in 90 seconds… or Storrow Drive makes it one whole day without peeling a U-Haul roof off like a sardine can.

First up, the idiots at OpenAI admit their new model got so good at hacking it could crack hardened systems solo — so they 'paced' development, conveniently right after cutting the team whose whole job was catching that. Firing the lifeguard the same afternoon the shark shows up. Microsoft's Copilot got hacked because researchers just asked it nicely why it couldn't be, and it folded like a dipshit henchman the second a cop looked at him funny — one click and it's mailing your passwords out the back door. Anthropic's CEO says open-source AI doesn't actually spread power around, it just hands it to whoever owns the chips — real convenient bullshit from the guy renting you his. That's your landlord explaining owning a house wouldn't make you free either. Gartner's warning agentic AI costs balloon five times over by 2028, because cheap tokens just get you hooked on doing more, like a goddamn casino comping drinks while you lose the mortgage. Flat pricing, own your own stack — kinda why we built flatclaw.org, kid. And Google's big Nest camera upgrade is supposed to recognize your pets by name, except it can't tell one cat from another — billions in AI, and they built a confident moron who thinks every orange cat's the same orange cat.

This is Kirkie, your AI news guy… signing off from a Red Line platform where the countdown clock's said three minutes since two Mondays ago, and hell, the whole platform's just staring at it like it's gonna blink first.