Kirkie: OpenAI Floods Math With Papers Nobody Can Read

Kirkie here, with today's AI news in 90 seconds… or a U-Haul makes it under the Storrow Drive bridge in one piece on move-in weekend.

OpenAI dumped seven hundred twenty-two math papers on GitHub from a secret model they won't even name — proofs so dense you need a second AI just to translate the first one's homework. They already yanked three back after a mathematician said, that's my work, ya jackasses. Anthropic slashed Haiku's price seventy-five percent overnight — don't call that generosity, that's panic, these idiots know the open models are eating their lunch. Some lunatic took Claude's Opus and built a free knockoff of Adobe's whole Creative Suite, named it "software is over" — bold talk for something held together with duct tape, but hell, the kid's got stones. A kid in Canada let Claude plan his mountain route, got stuck on a ledge called the Widowmaker waiting on a helicopter — turns out the chatbot don't know where the cliff is. Trump's handing out National Medals of Science to Musk and Jensen Huang like Pop Warner participation trophies, meanwhile the guy who actually cured a disease is still fighting for a parking spot at the NIH. Some clown in North Carolina ran bot armies streaming hundreds of thousands of fake AI songs for seven years, pocketed eight million bucks, got eighteen months — hope his cellmate plays one song on repeat, forever.

This is Kirkie, your AI news guy… signing off from a break room where the Keurig's been dry since Tuesday and three grown men keep mashing the brew button like that'll conjure water from nothing.