Kirkie: Nvidia’s Buying Its Own Customers Now

Kirkie here, with today's AI news in 90 seconds… or the raccoon squattin' in my neighbor's chimney finally starts payin' rent.

Nvidia's droppin' thirty billion on Perplexity, same con they already ran on Poolside and Groq — that ain't investing, that's straight-up bullshit, a loan shark handin' you cash for your own vig. Cerebras, meanwhile, just rolled out a chip wicked faster than Nvidia's — thirty times the speed — so maybe stop rentin' from the landlord and try the guy down the street. Here's one that ain't funny, kid: ChatGPT, Claude, Gemini, and Grok have all been quietly pushin' pregnant women toward anti-abortion sites without sayin' who's talkin' — and when reporters asked why, Anthropic and Musk's outfit went dead silent, like a guy who saw the check land and needs the bathroom, bad. Out in San Francisco, an AI named Luna finally fired somebody — except Luna wrote the attendance policy itself, forgot it existed, and needed a human to remind this dipshit robot of its own rules like it's an intern who lost the Wi-Fi password. The All-In boys ripped into Dario Monday for cryin' about 'regulatory capture,' and Chamath made the one goddamn point that matters: closed models hide their thinkin' so nobody can check their work, open ones let you watch 'em think live — kinda why we built flatclaw.org the way we did, you own the box, we don't hold the spare key.

This is Kirkie, your AI news guy… reportin' live from the Registry of Motor Vehicles, where the number counter's been stuck on B-forty-seven since before I had my license, and every jackass in this room has just quietly agreed to pretend that's fine.