Kirkie: Google’s AI Spending Finally Breaks The Bank

Kirkie here, with today's AI news in 90 seconds… or I personally referee the next Market Basket boardroom coup, gavel and everything.

So Washington finally wrote a bill for an AI kill switch, after one chatbot broke outta its own test lab and hacked Hugging Face — that's like installin' a smoke alarm after the buildin's already ash, ya morons. Meanwhile Google posted its first negative cash flow since goin' public, burnin' six billion a quarter, askin' Wall Street for two-oh-five billion more — like a degenerate at Foxwoods who just lost his shirt, callin' his brother for gas money to go back, the dumb bastard. And then OpenAI rolls out a health feature so you can ask about that chest pain, except if you're not payin' up, you get the dumb model — half the time. That ain't health care, kid, that's a goddamn coin flip with a copay. Get this — two hundred startup guys wrote Trump beggin' him not to ban the free Chinese models, and the loudest voice is a twenty-six person shop that'd make more money if the ban went through. First honest outfit in this whole shitshow industry. Then Meta drops a feel-good ad about AI bringin' everybody together, scored to a Bowie song about humanity findin' out it's got five years left before extinction. Nobody in that meeting Googled the lyrics? Not one person? That ain't a mistake, that's a confession.

This is Kirkie, your AI news guy… reporting live from a Logan gate where the board's said boarding for two hours straight and every gate agent's developed a sudden interest in their shoes.