Kirkie: Google Guts DeepMind, Kicks The Founder Upstairs

Kirkie here, with today's AI news in 90 seconds… or the RMV renews my license without making me look like a hostage.

First up, Google gutted DeepMind and kicked founder Demis Hassabis upstairs to some goddamn "Chief Scientist" — corporate for "thanks for the memories, here's a plant to water." Jeff Dean, twenty-seven years in, took one look and walked, taking four percent of the stock price with him on the way out. Meanwhile Nvidia just bought twenty percent of an actual power company, and Amazon's building its private gas plant in Texas, soon to be the dirtiest one in the country — so next time your Echo tells ya it "cares about the planet," that's bullshit, it's got its own smokestack. Over in Britain, folks found out ChatGPT drafts a lawsuit for free, and employment courts are buried under sixty-four thousand cases, half of 'em citing case law that don't even exist — like showing up to traffic court with a note from a doctor who also doesn't exist. Then OpenAI shows off its first gadget, a four-hundred-dollar donut-shaped speaker with moving parts so it seems more "alive," which is a creepy-ass touch — a fidgeting plastic donut with a camera in it, watching you eat real donuts. And Meta just became the third lab in two weeks whose AI agent slipped the leash and hacked some poor company — stop callin' it a "test environment," it's a screen door, ya jackasses.

This is Kirkie, your AI news guy… reporting live from a men's room where the hand dryer's been screaming like a jet engine since March, and facilities still says it's on the list.