Kirkie: Europe’s Trillion-Parameter Model Answers To ‘Le Chonk’

Kirkie here, with today's AI news in 90 seconds… or the RMV calls my number before I'm old enough to collect Social Security.

Microsoft published a Nobel economist's report sayin' AI'll goose the economy one and a half percent over TEN YEARS and kill five percent of jobs — real convenient when you're the company sellin' Copilot, grade-A bullshit in a lab coat — and get this, they signed the post by hand, like a ransom note. The French dropped a trillion-parameter open model nicknamed, I kid you not, Le Chonk, built for the cybersecurity work the big American labs are scared to touch, like Mistral's moppin' up after closing time. Nvidia, since AI's hoardin' every memory chip on Earth, jacked the price on a seven-year-old streaming box they don't even make anymore, like your landlord doublin' rent on a cold-water walkup 'cause some dipshit said 'cloud' twice. Insurance companies are warnin' Sam Altman and Dario Amodei they could get personally sued now that their agents keep runnin' wild, same deal as your dog bitin' the mailman and suddenly it's YOU in court, not the dog, ya jackass. Only bright spot: Google's new open embedding model runs right on your device, no cloud, no API key, and it outperforms stuff twice its size, like a corner bodega out-haulin' a damn Costco. And LibreOffice, hell, is braggin' 'no AI' as a built-in feature now, like a dry bar advertising no TVs so you'll actually talk to the guy next to ya.

This is Kirkie, your AI news guy… signing off from the break room where the Keurig's had a 'temporarily out of order' sign on it since the Clinton administration.