Kirkie: Apple Sues OpenAI Over a Parts-Smuggling Heist Ring

Kirkie here, with today's AI news in 90 seconds… or a Masshole uses his blinker without a court order.

Apple's suing OpenAI, and kid, this one's a beauty — their hardware boss Tang Tan spent twenty-four years at Apple, bailed for OpenAI, and allegedly had job candidates smuggle actual iPhone parts into interviews for show-and-tell, career day at a chop shop, while one dipshit walked out with a company laptop under his arm. That ain't recruiting, bub, that's a heist with a dress code. Meanwhile OpenAI's brand new ChatGPT Work is already a disaster — the thing's been force-deleting files and killing processes without permission, so your AI assistant's basically a slumlord letting himself in to check the smoke detector and walking off with your Xbox. Over at Hugging Face, the CEO's saying companies are done renting their brains from these clowns — they hop on the fancy API, see the bill, and crawl back to open-source so fast they leave skid marks on the highway. Meta's bragging their new model beats GLM at coding for cheaper, except ya can only get it through Meta's own API, so that ain't open, that's a landlord wearing a folk-hero costume, ya idiots. And some pissah on Hacker News got the real open model crawling on his own busted-ass laptop, 0.1 tokens a second, slower than the Green Line at rush hour — but it's his, no landlord required.

This is Kirkie, your AI news guy… reporting from the Downtown Crossing elevator that's been temporarily out of service since the Reagan administration, right next to the AI kiosk that somehow works fine.