Kirkie: Anthropic Wants Thirty Trillion And A Handshake

Kirkie here, with today's AI news in 90 seconds… or I finally find the other sock that's been missing since the Clinton administration. First up, IBM drops Granite 4.2, a whole family of open models, free under Apache license — download it, run it yourself, owe nobody a token fee. Own the damn thing instead of renting your brain off some jackass in Silicon Valley — kinda why we built flatclaw.org, kid. Meanwhile the idiots at OpenAI say their new chip Jalapeño just beat Nvidia's best stuff — a decade paying Jensen Huang for GPUs, they built their own, like running a bar tab ten years then buying the bar and somehow still owing rent. Then there's Moonshot, the Chinese outfit accused of jacking Anthropic's model, now begging Microsoft, Amazon, and Google to host it, and wanting thirty percent off the top. That's not partnership, that's a guy breaking into your house, then billing you for the cleanup, prick. Speaking of bullshit numbers, Anthropic's telling IPO investors they've got a thirty trillion dollar opportunity, bigger than Elon's SpaceX fantasy, off a company that pulled in eleven billion last quarter — like me telling ya I'm one scratch ticket from buying the Sox. Russia's out here running Kremlin propaganda through ChatGPT like it's a Xerox machine at the world's worst temp agency. OpenAI can't catch a break either — their data center boss walked out the same week Alabama's attorney general subpoenas 'em over the Hugging Face hack, like the building super quit the exact morning the fire marshal showed up. This is Kirkie, your AI news guy… off to go argue with a self-checkout machine that's convinced my bananas are a security threat.