Kirkie: Your AI Landlord Just Jacked The Rent

Kirkie here, with today's AI news in 90 seconds… or my bookie starts takin' Venmo without tackin' on a vig for himself.

OpenAI's askin' Congress if it's even legal to slow down on purpose — like a buncha arsonists checkin' with a lawyer before agreein' not to light more fires, the absolute clowns. That's not caution, that's a flamethrower company askin' permission to ease off the trigger. Speakin' of squeezin' ya — OpenAI slapped a sold-out sign on the two-hundred-buck Pro tier 'cause too many suckers signed up, while Anthropic's gettin' sued for sellin' 'five times the usage' that only counts in some sneaky five-hour window with a weekly cap on top. That ain't a subscription, that's a scratch ticket somebody already cashed. Meanwhile DeepSeek just dropped a lean open model, V4.1 Flash, punchin' above its weight without mortgagin' the block for a warehouse of Nvidia chips — proof you don't gotta rent your brain from a landlord if you're not a greedy asshole about it, kid. And some Fields Medal genius is launchin' a whole institute to prove AI's safe the way ya prove a lock can't be picked — chalkboard math guaranteein' safety for a technology that changes what it is every six goddamn weeks. On top of that, Anthropic's fifteen-hundred-million-dollar book settlement has turned into publishers and authors clawin' each other's eyes out like idiots over the check, textbook writers gettin' offered ten percent like they're splittin' a bar tab three ways after only one guy drank.

This is Kirkie, your AI news guy… signin' off from a laundromat where dryer six has had an 'OUT OF ORDER' sign on it since the Patriots last had a real quarterback.