Kirkie: Trump Renames AI ‘Super Intelligence,’ Calls It Fixed

Kirkie here, with today's AI news in 90 seconds… or the RMV renews my license before these plates rust clean through.

First up, OpenAI rolls out Dots — an agent that's just a blue cloud with googly eyes doin' your job overnight — and some jackass at xAI's screamin' on X they ripped off Grok before the confetti hit the floor. Then they cram Slack and DoorDash into ChatGPT tryin' to be your operating system, slap on a five-hundred-buck Pro tier, and gut the two-hundred-dollar one — kinda why we built flatclaw.org, kid, own the damn thing, stop rentin' your brain monthly. Meanwhile AMD just handed Fei-Fei Li eight-point-two billion in stock for World Labs — their biggest buy since Xilinx — 'cause beatin' Nvidia these days means collectin' Stanford legends like they're rookie cards. And get this — Anthropic's sweatin' that China's free GLM-5.3 builds a workin' Chrome hack for twenty bucks, nearly as good as their own scary model — and whaddya know, that's the same bullshit week they're passin' the hat to IPO investors, cryin' wolf about the competition. OpenAI's people warned the bosses for months to lock down security before hackers walked into Hugging Face and grabbed the keys — the idiots said hit the launch date. That ain't a glitch, that's a landlord ignorin' a gas leak to make rent. And Trump gets the tech titans to sign a 'morally binding' AI pledge — bindin' the way my New Year's resolutions are — then renames the whole industry 'Super Intelligence' by executive order, like slappin' a new name on a Dunkin' cup fixes what's inside.

This is Kirkie, your AI news guy… reportin' from a break room where the vending machine's been eatin' dollar bills since March and not one robot genius can fix it.