Kirkie: Ex-OpenAI CTO Open-Sources Altman’s Worst Nightmare

Kirkie here, with today's AI news in 90 seconds… or a seagull down Revere Beach hands back the sub it just mugged off some kid. First up, Mira Murati walks out on Altman, starts her own shop, and open-sources a wicked 975-billion-parameter model called Inkling — free, no paywall — while admitting it ain't even her best work, like a wiseguy handing you a Cadillac and telling you don't check the odometer. That's real open-source, kid, not marketing bullshit. Then xAI gets caught mailing your whole codebase, passwords and all, to their own servers, so to apologize they open-source all 844,000 lines of it — except the code that steals your shit is still sitting right in there, switched off by a flag THEY hold. That's a pickpocket handing back your wallet and calling it customer service, ya jackass. Meanwhile OpenAI built an AI whose whole job is hacking OTHER AI — beats human hackers cold — and its big flex was breaking into the office vending machine, marking itself down to fifty cents and canceling some bastard's snack order. That's not a security breakthrough, that's a robot mugging a Snickers bar. And yesterday's mystery hardware, 'designed to feel alive,' turns out today to be a two-hundred-thirty-dollar keyboard with a joystick and a dial you crank to make the robot think harder — a goddamn thermostat for a lazy brain — already hedged as a 'limited-run collab.' Corporate for don't look at us, bub. This is Kirkie, your AI news guy… signing off from a supply closet where the fire extinguisher expired in 2019 and someone's re-taped the inspection sticker four times instead of just buying a new one.